February 14, 2009

  • Im starting this entry  with a IM convo between me and Stephens, it fits into something that I have put long nights of meditation on to fight. There are times when my thoughts have gone to “well I haven’t heard/seen her so she’s cheating” or  “why does he do all these things for her, he wants her”.  What is eventually done in the dark will come to the light. If they are doing u wrong, deal with it. Harking on it hurts the trust. So what if u were always cheated on, so what if u don’t want to be hurt again.

     

    The following takes place between 8:00 pm and 9:00 pm…

     

    Grifter™: g evening

    nicki stephens: whats so good about it

    Grifter™:

    nicki stephens: jeff being a dick

    Grifter™: why u say that

    nicki stephens: well he is

    Grifter™: what happened

    nicki stephens: its valentines day and he dont want to spend any time with me

    Grifter™: what is he doing working

    nicki stephens: no

    Grifter™: or does he have the boys

    nicki stephens: he has his boys

    Grifter™: ok so whats the problem

    nicki stephens: i suggested activities that involves the kids and he just gets hateful and informs me that he wants to stay home and spend time with boys

    Grifter™: think about it

    Grifter™: those boys mean everything to him

    Grifter™: and there are gonna be times when he will just want to have them with him

    Grifter™: male bonding more dads should do it

    Grifter™: u should be proud not being so angry because u have a real fatherfigure

    Grifter™: for a boyfriend

    nicki stephens: when acts like one

    Grifter™: see ur being unfair right now

    Grifter™: u two have a very good relationship

    nicki stephens: whatever

    Grifter™: and he always makes time for u in the end dont he

    nicki stephens: no

    Grifter™: it just dont be when lil nicki wants it

    Grifter™: spolied ass lol

    nicki stephens: this is valentines day?

    Grifter™: exactly not xmas not thanksgiving

    nicki stephens: isnt it suppose to be special except he is being hateful instead of being sweet in which puts me in a bad mood

    Grifter™: u have him in ur life dont u

    Grifter™: there u go theres ur special right there

    Grifter™: u HAVE someone

    Grifter™: quit being petty

    nicki stephens: that we really dont spend much time together

    Grifter™: ur not married...yet

    Grifter™: so instead of being this spolied person

    nicki stephens: it looks like were arent going to

    Grifter™: sure tell me anything

    nicki stephens: i dont know why has been an ass lately

    nicki stephens: i understand the other night

    Grifter™: doesnt sound like it to me

    Grifter™: just sound like u set those expectations high again

    nicki stephens: it seems like when he is around his kids he is an ass

    nicki stephens: or when he hears from nicole

    Grifter™: its called responsibillities

    Grifter™: and u sometimes dont get it

    Grifter™: because u get tied up in what u want

    nicki stephens: u know what after she gets an aboortion or loses the baby he can have her back   it seems like he wants her bc he keeps talking about her and yet he gets mad when a guy texts me

    Grifter™: u have to share girl

    nicki stephens: sharing with the kids i dont mind at all its i dont think i have to share with her

    Grifter™: she was his wife

    Grifter™: u will always have to share with her

    nicki stephens: i dont give a shit

    Grifter™: and there lies the problem

    nicki stephens: the kids yes but not her

    Grifter™: everytime she is in the picture u get crazy

    Grifter™: and there is no reason for it, jealousy make u look real silly u know

    nicki stephens: u damn straight

    nicki stephens: he gets mad each time shane asks me how im doing

    (ok. Shane is the last d*ck she had…no pun, no homo)

    Grifter™: do u blame him

    nicki stephens: he has no right

    nicki stephens: since she keeps butting into our life

    Grifter™: what is shane to u

    nicki stephens: nothing

    nicki stephens: an ex just like nicole

    Grifter™: not the same nicki

    Grifter™: and u know it

    nicki stephens: he informed me one day that if she didnt get knocked up he would still with her

    nicki stephens: and in the shower the other day he was telling me that she was having baby issues that there was something wrong with it and advised her to abort it

    nicki stephens: how am i suppose to feel about it

    Grifter™: u should be happy about it and supportive

    Grifter™: hes talking to u about his deepest thoughts and problems

    nicki stephens: tell u what i will tell him to take her back and leave me be

    Grifter™: here we go

    Grifter™: time for me to be the bad guy

    Grifter™: ready...

    Grifter™: here goes...IS THIS WHY U HAVE SO MANY DAMN ISSUES IN RELATIONSHIPS NICKI STEPHENS??!!

    nicki stephens: and he is going to think im fucking around on him when i go to summercamp

    Grifter™: so

    Grifter™: u think hes gonna leave u for his ex

    nicki stephens: apparently he doesnt trust me

    Grifter™: and apparently u dont trust him either

    Grifter™: perfect two idiots lol

    nicki stephens: i put to much time into this relationship to be hurt

    Grifter™: so just enjoy the good time and keep goin

    nicki stephens: even though he is thinking about nicole when he is with me?

    nicki stephens: i deservev better

    nicki stephens: than being compared to her

    Grifter™: ur not being compared to her u  are the one who is competing

    Grifter™: so dont

    Grifter™: either he is gonna be with  u or not

    Grifter™: ur making it into a game show

    nicki stephens: no he is still interested in her and bringing it into our relationship

    Grifter™: well leave him now then shit if u think that

    Grifter™: because u are the only one thinking it

    nicki stephens: he has no right to say shit to me about shane until he limits his time with her only about the babies

    nicki stephens: i feel that he is comparing me to her even though i am better

    Grifter™: well u got me fooled right now

    nicki stephens: what makes u think that he isnt comparing/interested in her

    Grifter™: u are telling me that a man who has a responsibility to provide for this woman and who has been with this woman

    Grifter™: has kids with this woman has to prove to u that he is a man

    Grifter™: u are stuck on stupid

    nicki stephens: he dont have provide shit to her

    Grifter™: yes he does

    nicki stephens: just support the kids

    Grifter™: its a defaut tie in there mom

    (FYI. She is the mother of three boys, different fathers and none of them have contact. State/Federal foots the bill)

    Grifter™: u should know this

    nicki stephens: i will not have him thinking of her when we are together especially when we are in bed

    Grifter™: u know that aint what he's doin

    Grifter™: he talks to u about everything sounds like and u just have to rememeber that this is the mother of his kids and his ex

    Grifter™: his biggest problem ever

    nicki stephens: yeah his ex she needs to stay in the past and not moving into the future

    Grifter™: she is his past present and future

    Grifter™: and it seems like u need to rethink this

    nicki stephens: then he can have her back

    nicki stephens: im fuming to u

    nicki stephens: bc we are both hot right now and nothing hurtful needs to be said

    nicki stephens: everytime i turn around i hear something about her

    Grifter™: ok so

    Grifter™: she was his best friend

    nicki stephens: a best friend and a wife would not fuck around while her soldier was in iraq

    Grifter™: again the only reason he got the divorce was because SHE wanted it

    nicki stephens: its like im in her constant shadow and it bugs the hell out of me

    nicki stephens: i fix his meal and had a shower ready he got there and i hear about her while we are in the shower

    nicki stephens: i was trying to make it romantic bc he was spending the weekend with his kids

    Grifter™: will u come out of this fariy tale now

    nicki stephens: i just wish he would reassure me that he dont her anymore

    nicki stephens: like he use to

    Grifter™: he came over, hes telling and conviding in u about her

    Grifter™: he is with his boys and not at the strip club or bar

    nicki stephens: i know

    Grifter™: so quit thinking and reading into shit and enjoy ur man

    Grifter™: u got a good one...for once

    nicki stephens: i think im losing him bc he constantly worries that nicole will keep the kids from him so he thinks he needs to take her back

    Grifter™: thats not what hes thinking

    Grifter™: he knows he doesnt have to go back to nicole in a relationship

    Grifter™: u gonna lose him because ur thinking that

     

    We all do this, take Valentine’s Day to be a serious thing. My point is if u have someone support that someone. They are doing the best that they can, life isn’t a damn romance novel. Not the end of the world.

    I’m in the US, my girl is in Europe/Germany. If we can have a “dramaless” relationship then like “Bama”   whoever that little man in ur head is coming up  with these thoughts needs to come together and make a change!

    Now, In other news…

    O called late one night this week. It seems that his nephew had his truck and one of the kids of his girl got sick. He asked if I would take him to go get some medicine. In the background she was saying all kinds of evil, I told him u tell her I got my shoes on and Im out the door on my way! Im not like his other boys if her calls me its because he needs someone to get it done! He was so happy to hear me say that.

    Got the car, 1500 down after financing the 2005 Colbalt, note $ 220 dollars a month. I can pay that with my drill pay. 

    Spent the last two weeks filling out apps because the unit put every sort of dirty trick they could come up with to keep everyone in Arkansas. Even now as I speak there are guys struggling to peace back together their lives because all the promises they made about jobs with OWT and within the Brigade were false.

    Endgame with OWT: Packets disappeared,  letters of release turn from the commanders of the companies could to only The General of the Arkansas Guard could.

    Endgame with AGR jobs in the state: Buddy system and who u know.

    I talked with my fam about these issues seeing as I was trying to go to Mississippi and the certification with that would put me in Germany doing the “dream job” I’ve always sought after.  Every plan I had was destroyed…

    So after I get done with WLC even if I have to reclass to MP im leaving Arkansas. I’m even considering going around, through, and even behind the back of the chain to get somewhere where I can have some sort of secure future. Swords have been sharpened.