…a car wreck.
Destroyed everything between us, she is so materialistic.
She goes a few hours happy, then dumps on me about the car she paid and got all by herself.

I feel like the only reason she is still with me is because she hasn’t found someone else she can trust to provide.
Where is that world where a man can keep bills paid, and everything falls into place in a relationship?

Work is good, for now though. But everyday is like some “don’t mess up or it’s over”.
Every day “single” is looking a lot better…

Superbowl sunday…

…been home from drill since friday night. You would think my “other” would be all kind of excited.

But she has to party…she 32 years old BTW. I’ve gone and done it again, found a woman who is all about the streets.

She spent all morning “pushing me away”, but I held firm…

…and out she went. Been gone since 5pm…

…its almost 1am, Monday, the next day. But I wont give up, I’m gonna sit up like a idiot. Waiting. Killing time as I go mad.

I should of learned from my relationship with Julia, this sh*t doesn’t EVER work. But I refuse to give up, still giving the benefit of the doubt.

Being the “homebody”, fighting Jelousy.

Waiting to be hurt…again.

I’m writing my pain to deal, I’ve run out of options. I want to know if all this is even worth it. Is she gonna grow out of needing to be at parties and clubs and bars till 3am?

…haven’t blogged in a year.

No reason to really. My focus is tanted right now, and I’m trying to get it back.

Distanced myself from the fam, only to complicate my life even further.

Different girl.

No names just gonna call her “Zealot”.

She has my heart even though Im working to KEEP her’s.

I got all this distrust for her…all due to her actions. She wants marrage, but she dosen’t want to do the work.

Yep. Issues. So I write my feelings here and hope she doesn’t misunderstand if I’m ever made to show her this…journal.

If she’s even around long enough…

And yes I’m still a security officer at AT&T, the best damn shipping officer they have had ina while…

…or so they say.

Its a new year, and AT&T got rid of a lot of people. Nice way to start the new year. Sorry, but my bills gotta get paid, christmas or no. Plans change didn’t go see Zealot. Plus she gave more detail on her new financial plan. You guessed it, another hustle. As I said before, hard right before easy wrong is guideline everyone should live by…but most don’t.

My paycheck wasn’t bad either, I got plenty to live off. So I can catch up bills and fix my house. The “senority” thing at work got me. I got stuck on standby in supervison over christmas. Probally be doing transports or so I thought, night was over at about 3 am. He ran outta posts to put me on, and no call for chrstmas night. that next week started on tuesday, shifts kept changing 3 then 4 then back to 2am. the questions keep getting better, now I’m being asked to show my hands…women looking for tan lines from a wedding ring. It’s a shame really when a woman is forced to look for some of the most petty of things before they can trust you then their picky…and money driven…

well Zealot’s gone.

She got some dope boy killed, he was hiding…

…came out to get some a$$. the power of women I guess.

So away to a disclosed location she went, u know kinda like the mob does when one of their guys kills someone there not supposed to.

Guess she wasn’t wifey material after all.

No longer a supervisor anymore…cause I dont follow clics.

It had to be in motion for a good little while because my “replacement” started the same night I was removed.

I think its better though, with my drills and all.

That got changed too, I’ma team leader…again.

The f*cker will do anything to keep me from seeing Staff SGT…

I have returned… sort of.

Its been a while…sort of.

My life is on the up and up…sort of.

Well I’m working, A security job, something I had been trying to get for years FINALLY just plopped right in fromt of me…

…it quickly turned into a Supervisors’ position. I work so much it hurts lol.

But after being unemployed for so long. They coulda made me a janitor and I wouldn’t give twof*cks.

Helping out Mel…call myself redeeming myself after Years of disowning her…

…ok, I was seriously hoping she would hook up with me …sort of.

So here I am holding down the mortgage to the “fam house”, working and a pending deploy to Afghani ina year or two…

…2 guns up.

Getting back on my feet…

Got my unemployment started up again, funny story my benefit DID stop but no one at their office could figure out why. Sooo…a whole month later, I’m getting money again. So the bills are still getting paid but the job situation is still in the negative.

Back from California, the best thing I needed.

A Mil school away from the M-Town! Went did the damn thing and came back a month later. Three grand richer, just what I was needin too lol. I did meet some beautiful women in Cali, all spoken for but goregous still the same. It was crazy, one day I was worried about being the one left out of all the extra curric…then the next I couldn’t even get a decent night sleep .

Blood sugar, good…back in shape and fit as f*ck!

On orders…again.

Away from home…broke…again.

I must really like this cause I keep falling for it. The guard, again has figured out a way to mess up and not pay me. everything is late this time because unemployment stopped. I don’t quallify anymore. or so it says. I have never had it this hard, even in germany the was loan busineses that I could use and at least keep the bills paid. Luckily I’m just in the armory this time helpin the unit. They even offered to help me by fronting me the money till they fix my pay. but whats the point of all that…JUST FIX MY PAY!!!

like I said…I must really like this.

Out in the world…

A new year and still unemployed, sort of. Living off what I make off different jobs from the guard. Even now I’m sittin out ona range using my Blackberry to write. Gotta love technology.

 Things accomplished last year: didn’t get killed, we know there are many ways to do that. Next thing: no kids, and we all know I was sure slangin after Annie. Jessica, jail. Destine, jail. Shelley…which brings me to another thing I DIDN’T accomplish. Getting one woman and sticking with it. She is a sexual monster, which isn’t all bad but she is a “professional slacker” (that’s what she calls herself). That means she isn’t working and isn’t ina hurry to either.

We f*ck each other’s brains out every chance we get, then we talk. Three to four times every time we’re together. So for the first time since Germany I have a sex life.  Not a bad thing.

I thought I would meet someone while I was back and forth on orders. While in Arkansas I’ve met some exotic, almost perfect women. A lot of them are really down to earth but it seems that everyone I meet are spoken for or have some complicated issues. It’s like a whole new level of independant with them, two Jobs and in the guard or three to four kids and working. Let’s not forget school. We all know of my feelings for Mumau. Yea, infatuation. It’s hard to even try to get with a lady because they run with tight circles, like dens and u know what most of their friends consist of…

My weight is back down, and I’m back in shape.

The fixed budget I’m on takes care of that Lol. Just this morning I was just throwing ammo for a range around like pillows. I’m working and its Martin Luther King’s birthday lol. I remember there was once a group of soldiers wanted to protest about working that day. Wasn’t the whole reason he fought was for peace? I volunteered to work in their place that day. Dedicated that’s me…

Well finally I get my money! And its tax time. After all that push and push with finance they are mailing me a check. Years of using the same account and they are still saying they can’t get my travel pay for October transferred in. As long as I get it I guess.

…I have returned.

After a long break from Xanga I’m back. And I did change things, been working ona month to month basis for Unc sammy. And pulling unemployment(only reason its working is because the Army is footing the bill anyway.

Well I couldnt move out…dire consenquences took place. My brother, his situation sucks right now and sometimes u just gotta bite the bullet. But him and his fam are a money magnet, then on top of it all my mother lost her job…

…they were looking for a reason and she gave them one.

So now she’s moved out and is staying in another house so in order to keep order in the fam I now live with my bro and his 5 kids + wife. Its gonna be a while before I go anywhere either because of the financial bind they are in. No one is making any money except me right now and Im supposed to be out of a Job lol. Its nice to know one day he’s gonna move into his own place and this house will belong to me…just in time for retirement lol.

Now the bag side of it…

Back to minimal time and privacy, and ontop of everything I’m in the living room, but I did get my bigger TV.  Here it is 11 at night and my brother and his wife are just roaming the house. Just like my mother used to do…I give I can’t win.

My social is so crazy right now I me this girl through xpeeps and we’ve been going at it since. Its crazy she only wants me for a “physical thing”. Then there’s  Annie, ah…still in love with her for what I dont know, just gonna accept it and at the same time not do anything about it.

Just finished a 2 week thing in Chaffee teaching what I know about the desert. It was really intresting to see one group come in and have all the answers, do all the right things and another totally f*ck it up.  Well thats all I can tally u for a blog right now so now Im gonna do my usual vow to stick to xanga more…then see it anyone reads my issues lol.